In Memoriam, FrancisM

I was at the NU Rock Awards held last October 30, 2009 at the World Trade Center with a couple of musician friends. Halfway through the event, there was a serious moment when they showed a video presentation about the people in music who passed away in the span of the year. We saw flashing on the large video screen, images of the legendary bassist Dondi Ledesma, front women Tara Bosch of Saffron Speedway, Annabel Bosch of Analog, and the Eguid family. I was so deeply mesmerized by the images I was seeing that I suddenly found myself snapped back to reality when one of my friends nudged and whispered to me, “Ba’t parang wala si FrancisM?”

I couldn’t believe how I could have missed that. How could I possibly forget about the death of one of my biggest heroes? The question bothered me so much that I started to get frustrated and angry, both at myself and at the screen before me. I thought to myself, did they really forget about Francis Magalona? I looked around to see if anyone else was wondering the same thing. But before I could deduce anything, the lights began to dim and “Kaleidoscope World” started to play. And finally, there on the screen were the images of the Master Rapper, seemingly larger than life. The crowd became unusually quiet. I looked around again, and this time I could clearly see a few eyes around me welling, because their tears were reflecting the light coming from the screen. I admit I became a tad teary-eyed myself. The presentation ended with the photo of FrancisM where his back was turned and facing us, both arms raised, proudly showing off a tattoo of the three stars and the sun on his nape. If I were to pick any image that could encapsulate Francis Magalona and what he stood for, I feel it is that picture which represents him best.

How could i possibly forget his influence on me? I remember when “Mga Kababayan Ko” hit the airwaves. It was the first Tagalog song I memorized from start to finish. Back in grade school, I along with four of my classmates, would huddle on a bench during recess and try to best each other by rapping along to his album, “Yo!” on the cassette player. By the end of the week, we pretty much got the entire classroom memorizing. I remember we rendered the tape unplayable after more than a month of repeatedly doing the same thing. We didn’t know it yet, but the seeds of patriotism were being planted inside us right then and there.

How could I possibly forget his songs? “Meron Akong Ano”, “The Man from Manila”, “Ito ang Gusto Ko”, and the track that peeled away the indifference that covered my eyes, “Three Stars and the Sun”, are all ingrained into my memory. When it seemed that the only themes that rappers wanted to talk about were sex, drugs and “gangsta”, FrancisM chose to ride against the tide by talking about his roots, his country and his people. Unlike any other rapper during that era, his lyrics were simply devoid of gimmickry. His words provoked without being confrontational. And the stories he told, they hit closer to home. Perhaps that’s why his songs can still be heard playing on the radio, while those of the rest seemingly faded away as easily as they came. Nowadays, largely because of his exceptionality and excellence, FrancisM has become the high standard by which every Filipino rap artist is measured.

How could I possibly forget his grace? Though I never had the chance to actually meet the man, I’ve been fortunate enough to talk with people who were fortunate enough to know him personally. It may seem too good to be true, but I’ve never heard them talk a single bad thing about him. They said that FrancisM will give you his undivided attention whenever you speak to him. They said that FrancisM would go out of his way to spend time with you or help you out. They said thatFrancisM was always willing to impart any piece of knowledge or advice you may need to help you get your legs sturdy, be it in life or in career. If people who knew him were an indication, it would be easy for me to say that Francis Magalona was a genuinely unselfish man.

How could I possibly forget how he changed my life? As a boy, the tiny flicker of patriotism i felt for my country was fanned into flame by his words that proudly declared his unwavering belief in the Filipino. “Blessed is the man whose land and heart are one”, went one of his songs. No truer words spoken have struck a chord within me the way those did. It may seem foolish and arrogant, but listening to his songs gives me the hope, the pride and the strength to make me believe that I too can make a difference.

It’s sad that Francis Magalona passed away so early. I remember feeling numb with disbelief on the afternoon of February 6, 2009, when I heard them announce his death on TV. I still feel a pang whenever it crosses my mind that I will never hear a new song from him again. I console myself with the thought that maybe his death was God’s way of telling us that FrancisM has done enough, and that it’s time for the rest of us to pick up where he left off. That we should finally do our part. That we need to take responsiblity and find the strength within, in order for us to live our lives with dignity and worth as Filipinos.

One of the things I wish I could have done in my life is to have met the man in person so I can thank him for showing me the way, for giving me something to believe in, and for the hope that he generously shared with each and every single one of his countrymen. His songs will forever be my reminder that words and music have the power to affect people’s lives, and all it takes for that to happen is to just listen. May his soul rest in peace, the one and only Master Rapper, the Philippines’ very own, my hero, Francis Magalona.

The Ballad of Sgt. Pepper and Major Tom

long before sgt. pepper led a band of lonely hearts, and long before major tom freefalled in the vastness of outer space, the two military men were stationed in the 54th light infantry division of the army and fought alongside a war that was easily forgotten. they both never really stood out as soldiers of that war; they received no medal of valor, no purple hearts or what-not. but nobody could really blame them, for young as they were, they already had plenty of other thoughts racing through their head, and winning the war for their country was not one of them.

it took a few weeks in the barracks before the two actually got into a decent conversation with each other. perhaps it was because they couldn’t find other soldiers as unfocused on the war as they were, that they were drawn to each other. and they seemed to hit it off fine. their initial conversation went something like this:

pvt. tom: (looking over pvt. pepper’s shoulder) hey pal, you seem awfully busy writing in that notebook of yours, is that your diary or sumthin’?

pvt. pepper: (looks up, a bit startled) nah, just something i’m putting together for when i’m out of the army.

pvt. tom: really?

pvt. pepper: yeah.

pvt. tom: wow, planning that ahead, huh? uhh.. care to tell me some?

pvt. pepper: nah, it’s nothing interesting, really.

pvt. tom: (fidgeting sheepishly) no, i, ah,um, i’d really like to hear it. truth is i’ve got plans of my own, maybe you’d like to hear them too.

private tom eased himself beside private pepper and eagerly looked at what was on the notebook.

pvt. pepper: well, okay. see this here, it’s a piece of music i’m trying to finish for a big band sort of thing, with all the drums and strings and trumpets and stuff. when i’m done with my service i plan to start a band. nothing epic, really. just something i’ve wanted to do for the longest time, but i never really got around to actually doing it. but then the war came and i got drafted, so here i am, finally having the time to do what i want, but not really doing what i want.

pvt. tom: oh, did you go to music school? how many songs have you wrote?

pvt. pepper: no i’m pretty much self-taught. i did have an uncle though who was a first-class pianist, and he taught me what he knew about music everytime i stayed with him in the summer.

pvt. tom: so i see. well, i meself don’t plan on waiting for this war to end, but no plans of leaving the army though, not yet. i heard the government was building a space program. have you heard about it? i’d like to maybe try out to see if i’ve got the gall to become a spaceman. they have a word for it. what’d they call it? astronaut or sumthin’.

pvt. pepper: (chuckles) you plan on seeing aliens up there?

pvt. tom: heck, no. nothing like that. i just wanna see what the world looks like from up there. you see.. (pauses unsurely) i think that i’ve seen everything in this world i’d care to see. and frankly, i don’t like what i see. it’s just too crowded here.

pvt. pepper: crowded, huh? that’s a bit out of the box, don’t you think? but hey, you got yours i got mine. i hope you’re not planning on moving to the mountains and living like a straggler for the rest of your life.

pvt. tom: heck no! (forlornly looks skyward) i’m guessing outerspace is so much better.

the two became close friends after that, and throughout the war, they both found comfort in each other’s company. then the war ended and they were assigned to different divisions of the army. around this time the both of them were promoted as staff sergeants. one day sgt. tom got a call from sgt. pepper and this is how it went:

sgt. tom: sgt. pepper! what a surprise! heard you’re still in the army, i’ve been hearing some good things about you.

sgt. pepper: oh, drop the title, will you. yeah, i’m still here. seems the higher-ups found my disinterest an asset to the military. listen, i called you up because i heard some good things about you as well. i heard you got accepted to the NASA space program…?

sgt. tom: yeah, that’s right. i’m starting training in a month! and i’m getting married soon, and you can’t not come to the wedding, ya hear?!

sgt. pepper: well that’s even greater news! i’m there in a heartbeat. big congratulations! so, when do i get to meet the future mrs.?

sgt. tom: oh, we’re having a little get together with the families two nights from now. you’re welcome to drop by, bring a date along if you like.

sgt. pepper: uh-huh, that’ll be the day.

sgt. tom: still can’t get along with the ladies, huh? you know what, instead of a purple heart, i think the army should come up with a new medal for the likes of you. how about a lonely heart? what d’ya think?

sgt. pepper: hahaha, you’re one to talk. if i remember correctly, it was you who spoke about how much you hated the world.

sgt. tom: aww, c’mon man, don’t be like that. i didn’t say i HATED it, i just don’t like it, that’s all. besides, i don’t feel that way anymore, not since i met the future mrs. tom, know what i mean?

sgt. pepper: well then i guess you’re one lucky little bugger to have her. i can’t wait to get to know her.

sgt. tom: alright. so i’ll see you two nights from now?

sgt. pepper: yeah i’ll be there.

in the years to follow, sgt. tom got into the space program, got married and climbed up the ranks and became major. meantime, sgt. pepper remained as a head of new recruits in the barracks. they’ve had casual and sporadic meetings over the years, but nothing really interesting was said. fast forward a few years later, and we have major tom calling up his old friend sgt. pepper on what was probably the most significant day on the major’s life:

major tom: pepper…

sgt. pepper: tom!

major tom: i’m gonna be launched into space in five hours.

sgt. pepper: yeah i know, i’m watching it on tv right now! aw dear ol’ chap, i’m so happy for you! i know how much you’ve wanted this. it’s finally going to happen isn’t it?

major tom: yeah.

sgt. pepper: you sound a bit out of sorts.

major tom: it’s nothing. it’s just that things haven’t been running smoothly at home, you know? i mean, i love my wife. but with the baby coming up and this mission taking up most of my time, i feel a little disconnected from her, and i don’t think she and i understand why. but enough about that. so, i heard you’ve been put in charge of the army’s band division? is that true?

sgt. pepper: yeah, you heard right! it’s not exactly what i imagined it would be, but i’m doing something i love for a change. and i’m naming the division after your idea. i’m calling it The Lonely Hearts Club Band. what do you think?

major tom: i take it you must really be enjoying yourself.

sgt. pepper: i’m not really working with my dream musicians, but i have no complaints.

major tom: glad to hear that.

sgt. pepper: i’m starting to get worried about you, old friend.

major tom: no no, don’t worry i’m gonna be fine.

sgt. pepper: if you say so. shall i see you when you get back to planet earth, then?

major tom: yeah, i’ll see you. bye.

sgt. pepper: bye.

and that was the last conversation they will ever have. i guess you already know what happened next to the both of them. if you don’t, then this is where you can find out for yourself:

the story of the shuttle launch and its tragic ending are documented on the David Bowie song, “Space Oddity.”

Sgt. Pepper’s music was discovered by the Beatles. they recorded his songs and released them as a full length album entitled “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” and is considered by many to be the greatest album of all time. Sgt. Pepper died alone at the age of 64.

but still, i guess in the end, they both got around to doing what they wanted to do with their lives.

The One Thing

I’m a failure. I’m unhappy. I have to aim higher. This is what people tell me because when they look at me, they think that I could do so much better. From my family to my relatives to my closest friends, I assume they say this because they think their own lives are way much better than mine. They give out a lot of advices, telling me that I should look for a steady job and raise a family. They tell me they only want what’s best for me. Come now, wouldn’t that be grand?

But what if what they want is none of what I want?

I’ve been there before. I had a job, had a girl whom I thought was “the one”, but a big chunk of me was pulling me away from all that. There was always this nagging feeling that there was something lacking in my seemingly perfect picture. It was telling me that I belong somewhere else. That I should be doing something else.

“Please stop loving me! I am none of these things.”

It was only when I’m immersed in music that I feel complete. If I’m listening to it, if I’m playing it or creating it, these are the only times I feel so powerful; that I am capable of majesty. When I come across a great song, it feels like I’m with someone who understands what I am. It feels like I’m talking to a kindred.

And so I pursued my passion. I gave up everything I’ve ever known and dove head first into the raging uncertainty. All I was armed with was my guitar, and my only ammunition was a heartful of hope.

“If I fail/ if I succeed/ at least I lived as I believe.”

And now here I am 5 years later with nothing to show for all my efforts, pennyless and without a significant other. Yet it don’t seem to touch me at all. I am immersed in music, and that is all that matters.

“And that’s all you are? A musician?”

“I got one thing. Same as you.”

“Really? Well, apparently you know me better than I know you.”

“I know that limp. I know the empty ring finger. And that obsessive nature of yours- that’s a big secret. You don’t risk jail and your career to save somebody who doesn’t want to be saved unless you got something- anything- one thing. The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever. That’s because they ain’t got that one thing that hits ‘em that hard and that true. I got music, you got- this- the thing you think about all the time. The thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah. Makes us great. Makes us the best. All we miss out on is everything else.”

I can’t say that what they say about me doesn’t affect me. Truthfully, it hurts like hell. But it’s not because I’m insulted by what they’re saying; it's because they don’t understand. And God knows I tried to make them understand.

“They did not listen, they’re not listening still. Perhaps they never will.”

It pains me that those of my own flesh and blood cannot understand me. It pains me that the only solace I can find is in a song. But in the end, the opinion that really matters is that which I have of myself. Three things I know for a fact: I am successful, I am Happy, and there's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be.

My Top Ten Albums

Does anybody listen to albums anymore? As a music lover, it doesn’t do much for me to listen to just one song from an artist. I want to hear more. I need to delve deeper into his/her/their psyche. I have to know if that artist is capable of more than one great song. I need to see creativity. I miss the days when people treated albums (be they cassettes, CDs, or vinyls) with such personal significance, even considering them to be treasured and/or cherished items. Sure, not all the songs in an album might be deemed great, but that’s the beauty of it. You get to see another person’s soul; the beauty, the ugliness, and everything else in between, and you take them all in.

I miss the days when conversation among friends would revolve around which song in an album made the most impression, when even though we didn’t agree much on what song is an album best, we all knew that what mattered most was that we discovered something that only we can share. I miss even the naiveté of being considered cool if you were the first to discover and introduce a previously unknown artist or album to your peers. Music has always played a large role in shaping who I am, and the albums I love have influenced me more so in ways that could probably match a William Vollman novel. In no particular order, here’s a list of my all time favorites (kudos to Vic Narciso for the inspiration).

1.Crash (Dave Matthews Band) - This album was a bit hard to digest at first. You see, I came from a prog-metal background and I didn’t quite dig the “improvisational jam” type of music. But it grew on me like a fungus, and boy did it grow. It’s the albums that take a while to appreciate that end up taking a long time to get over. Comparable to a great lover, this is one I soaked up to saturation. And like any great lover, I miss its company on some days, so it tends to make a sporadic but always appreciated appearance on my player.

2. Wish (The Cure) – Yeah, sure. “Disintegration“ is a better album. What else can I say? I like the songs on this one better. When I first bought this album, I didn’t really pay much attention to it. I even lent it to my bandmate Robert without worrying if and when he’d return it. What made me want to listen is when Robert would play these seemingly divine melodies on his piano that I end up asking what songs were they from and who sang them. Of course, he’ll answer matter-of-factly, “From the Cure album I borrowed from you. Haven’t you listened to it before you lent it to me?” Well, I wouldn’t take any more of that smug look on his face, no sir. So I got the album back and this time, I did listen. What continually breaks my heart is that among us bandmates, it was only Robert and I who appreciated the ethereal beauty and the catharsis we experience from listening to The Cure.

3. Flipped Out in Singapore (Chainsaw Kittens) - I can’t believe I am unable to obtain a copy of this gem of an album. It makes me kind of sad when it seems none of the people I know ever heard this one (that would make me immaculately cool).I’ve tried playing the tape and recording to my computer. I’ve tried asking around for a copy. I’ve tried downloading it. All I get are bits and bytes of incomplete music. Believe me when I say this is a GREAT album. Every song is a pop masterpiece capable of causing LSS for days on end.

4. Toxicity (System Of A Down) - The first time I listened to a System Of A Down song was through their music video for “Toxicity”. I could only count a handful of times when a music video blew my socks off (a few that come to mind, “Helena“ by My Chemical Romance, “Let Forever Be” by The Chemical Brothers, and “Hurt” by Johnny Cash). I felt compelled to buy the album, and again, I was blown away. I was giddy as a child that I would bring along my CD player and make anyone listen to all the songs, even my ex who writes off distorted guitars as mere noise.

5. Waiting for the Punchline (Extreme) - This is the album when Extreme finally got down to “biznizz”. They’ve been accused before of having no signature sound. One time, they be prog rockers. Another, they be folk singers. Lounge acts be the next. But this time around, there’s just a guitar, a bass, a drum and a band that just wants to rock. Nuno’s playing here has influenced me more than he has in the past. My favorite guitar lines can be found on the tracks “Hip Today”, “Naked”, “Shadow Boxing”, and “Midnight Express”. Come to think of it, every song contains a favorite guitar line. One of the few albums I could play on the guitar from start to finish, this one.

6. Yano (Yano) - It’s hard to pick a local album that I hold most dear. There’s Francism’s “Freeman”, Eraserheads’ “Cutterpillow”, also debut albums by Wolfgang and Datu’s Tribe. But from the perspective of a songwriter and a guitar player, I think the greatest local album of all time would have to go to Yano. Nothing can trump this one if for Dong Abay’s sheer lyricism and Eric Gancio’s sublimely innovative guitar parts alone. But alas, that’s not all this album has to offer. There’s the perpetually relevant social commentary, the deceptively simple song arrangements, the romance, the angst and the great stories. Once again, I declare this as the Philippine’s musical magnum opus. ‘Nuff said

.7. Greatest Hits I (Queen) – The only album I know that is universally appreciated:young or old, man or woman, rich or poor, smart or stupid alike. The songs are so ubiquitous that part of me is ashamed of it and wants to deny ever liking it. But then who am I to argue with what all of us already know? That this album was, is, and forever will be, a classic.

8. Rubber Soul (The Beatles) – Arguably, the Beatles’ “White Album” and “Sgt. Pepper” are way much better in terms of lyrical or artistic merit. But this one I first heard when I was four. This is the album that made me want to listen to music. And probably the only good thing my father introduced to me.

9. The Bends (Radiohead) - Before this album, everyone (myself included) dismissed that Radiohead would be just a one-hit wonder. Well surprise, surprise. The band has a vast reservoir filled to the brim with what’s left for them to offer. Listening to this album, I voyage through a cornucopia of emotions. Happy, sad, mad, paranoid, pensive, drained, and finally, numb. Still, if each and every successive listening means careening through these emotions again and again, it’s a price I would gladly pay.

10. Blind Melon (Blind Melon) - Roots. Funk. Blues. Rock. Four of my favorite words and they’re all in this album. Shannon Hoon summed it best what I’ve always thought but have been unwilling to admit: “I only wanted to be 16 and free.”

Honorable Mentions:I have a lot of other albums I wish I could include here, but I chose to leave them out mainly because they have similarities in one form or another with the albums above (and thus would be redundant). Still, they own a huge chunk of quality time on my playlist. Again, in no particular order, so below.

Dirt-(Alice In Chains)/ SuperUnknown-(Soundgarden)/ Empire-(Queensryche)/ Achtung Baby-(U2)/ Automatic for the People-( REM)/Ten Summoner’s Tales-(Sting)/American Highway Flower-(Dada)/Electric Ladyland-(Jimi Hendrix)/With Teeth-(Nine Inch Nails)/Blood Sugar Sex Magik-(Red Hot Chili Peppers)/Siamese Dream-(Smashing Pumpkins)