Relationships

my bestfriend lost his mom yesterday, and i can't help but be overwhelmed by the finality of it all. i'm trying to wrap my mind about the fact that once a human life is lost, there's no way of getting it back. i think about the people i hold dear, and how devastating it would be to lose them. fuck the people who would try to console me by saying that my loved ones will live on in my memory when time comes for the maker to take them. they're gone. and there will no longer be any conversation, argument, touch, or experience to look forward to.

i think about my brother in canada, my mother in cagayan de oro, and how i can now only spend a week or two with them at a time, when we used to spend almost every hour of every day together. i think about my former bandmates and the times when we shared similar dreams. i think about the women to whom i eagerly bore my heart. and i start wondering, how much time do we have left to talk to another, before one of us bites the dust?

i have sworn never to be indifferent, to be there for anyone who needs me. i have sworn to be god's holy hero. i promised to give into every relationship i have until it bleeds me dry. but still, none of that can bring someone back.

how i wish i didn't have to grow up.