My Ghost Story

“I am not afraid of ghosts. Why? I do not believe in ghosts, because it is my belief — based on past readings of the Bible, though I am not a religious person — that human beings who die either go to heaven or hell, not linger here on earth as ghosts. It’s pure hogwash, fiction, myth, wild imagination!”- Wilson Lee Flores, Phil. Star columnist

“Ghosts don’t exist, the Bible says so.” Yeah right. And the world was created in seven days. Personally, I wouldn’t claim to know anything about the afterlife, with it not yet happening and all. The Bible states that when we die, all souls go directly either to heaven or hell. So what? A lot of what’s said in the Bible aren’t factual. And I can never deny what happened to me and my family 18 years ago.

November, 1992. My family went to Cabagan, Isabela to attend a funeral. My grandmother had recently died from cardiac arrest. It was instantaneous and unexpected. She was merely having a hearty dinner with my aunt when she suddenly clutched her chest and fell off her chair. She was dead before they could get her to the hospital.

After the burial, there was one afternoon when I took a nap. There were three of us in the bed; my 10-year old cousin, my brother, and me. I couldn’t get any sleep because my cousin was wildly thrashing in the bed and I was getting hit in the head. Should I get up instead? I could end up dead. Then I heard my aunt call my name. She needed someone to accompany her to town and buy some stuff needed for the night. And so we left.

We came back around 6pm. The entire household was in disarray and I could hear people shouting frantically from inside. Me and my aunt wondered what was going on so we rushed inside. A crowd was gathered in the room where we took the afternoon nap. I saw my cousin was seated at the center of the room and he was shaking uncontrollably, with a very high fever. His mother, one of my aunt got hysterical. A local “albularyo” was knelt beside him. “Kunin n’yo ‘yung damit na suot ni nanay nu’ng namatay sya.” , she called out calmly. My aunt darted right away to my grandmother’s personal closet and took out a white blouse and a black skirt. She handed these to the albularyo, who then placed the items on top of my cousin’s head. What happened next felt as if the earth gave way from under me and swallowed me whole.

“Na’san na ang mga anak ko?” were the words that came out of my cousin’s mouth. But it wasn’t his voice that we heard; it was my grandmother’s.

“Nanang!!!” my aunts and uncles pleaded, upon realizing who was talking. I stood frozen in my place beside the doorway as I watched the whole thing happen. My grandmother (who was physically my cousin) reached out to my aunts and uncles and spoke to them one by one. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I could see my grandmother’s gentle hands as she caressed her children’s heads while she spoke. “Pasensya na kayo,” she surrendered, “kailangan ko na’ng umalis.” Her children surrounded her and wrapped her with their arms, trying desperately to keep her from leaving. And then she was gone.

When my cousin finally came to, they asked him if he was aware of everything that just happened. He had no recollection of anything. What he remembered was taking a nap, when all of a sudden he sawnanang outside the window and in the yard waving at him, urging him to follow her. He said that he immediately stood up and ran after her but no matter what he did he couldn’t catch up. All he could see was her back turned towards him, and the white blouse and black skirt that she wore when she died. He followed her right to the cemetery where her body was laid, and saw a light coming from the heavens. She stood directly under the light, and he saw my grandmother raised upwards into that light where she disappeared. That was when he woke up.

Many years later, we still get to talk about what happened that day. I for the life of me cannot fathom any other explanation. I couldn’t imagine my cousin capable of such a ruse; he was to young and naïve for that. My grandmother came back from the grave to say goodbye to us one last time. This is what I believe.

A Death Borne of Shame (February 8th, 2011)

Retired General Angelo Reyes offed himself today in front of his mother’s grave. I wonder what could have been going on in his head. Perhaps he was apologizing for falling short of the man his mother wanted him to be. Perhaps he felt ashamed for his frailty and fraudulence. Whatever it was that went on in his mind, I can only guess. I have only known two people who have committed suicide because of shame. The first one was my neighbor who raped his own stepdaughter. Angelo Reyes is the second.

I would like to divulge an observation. While extremists in other countries are willing to strap bombs and blow themselves to smithereens for their beliefs, Filipino terrorists are content with merely leaving a bomb behind and detonating them from afar. While foreign politicians and businessmen who become involved in issues of graft and corruption will kill themselves than face their guilt and shame, their Filipino counterparts will vehemently deny any allegations even if the evidence is staring them right in the face.

My basic observation is that Filipinos generally have a lust for life. Power, zeal, money, these things that people in other countries tend to prioritize, they only come second to how Filipinos value living. That’s why to us, family is so important. That’s why the top causes of suicide in the Philippines revolve around relationships. Some kill themselves because they can’t be with the ones they love. Others kill themselves because they don’t want to be a burden to the ones they love. Almost always about relationships. Never about shame or guilt or beliefs.

Angelo Reyes’ death, although sad, could signal a cultural change. Of course, being this highly publicized surely helps, but what it primarily shows us is a man who broke from the pressure. We see a man who found no other means of escape. In the sidestory, we see two Filipinos who will no longer be bystanders and have chosen to stand up for what they believe is right. And we see that what they’ve done are causing others to follow suit as well.

I admit that it is premature to say that all these things will lead to a 180-degree turnaround for our country, but I can’t deny that I feel a change coming. And I like this type of change, because it is a change in morals. Sure, other countries may be surging financially and economically, and maybe that’s what most people would wish to happen to our country, but I don’t care that much for money (if I may quote the Beatles). All I’m saying is, I like how this story is unfolding, and I can’t wait to turn the page and find out what’s next. My nipples are all hard from the excitement.

Scott Garceau is a Douchebag

in accepted society, sex and religion are like oil and water. or more appropriately, gasoline and water. it’s best that they stay away from each other, else they’d end up corrupting the other to utter uselessness. i’ve been following the news lately about the church dipping its fingers on the issue of Reproductive Health. personally i oppose the church on this one. the church has incessantly been whining about how this move by the government will end up subverting the morals of the masses even more. they present cases of other countries that employed such drastic measures being unsuccessful in doing so but actually, what they’re presenting are merely half-truths. let’s face it, the masses are stupid. we’re talking here about people who go to church without knowing what ash wednesday is for. people who think that sexually transmitted diseases can be cured by drinking large quantities of buko juice. people who would soon exchange their health, their dignity, their souls, just so they can earn a few measly bills that are soon spent and gone along with their sensibilities. in the human spectrum, there will be those who easily understand, and there will be those who need to be whacked in the head just to get them to listen.

here’s one truth that the church will never tell you. one main reason for the constant increase in our country’s poverty level is because the poor keep fucking and shelling out babies without regard for its future.

on the streets i’ve seen a naked kid being scolded by his mother over nothing. the mother, holding an infant in one hand while slapping the boy with the other, has a swollen stomach. she is shouting at the kid, “putang ina mo! putang ina mo!”

one of the church’s many roles is to act as a parent to its people. sadly, the church has been one passive parent. they’ve been content in merely informing people about what it calls as god’s family planning methods. apparently the stupid masses weren’t listening. and so while the church was talking, the people were fucking. now here comes the government presenting one simple solution: let’s give out condoms. all of a sudden the church throws a fit over an issue which itself has failed to resolve. it’s like a parent covering the eyes and ears of a child who’s at the end of watching porno. it’s a useless move. the damage has been done, the decadence implanted. there’s really no use in safeguarding a child who’s already been morally compromised. the stupid masses will never learn, so the option here really, is to choose between a stable or a poverty-stricken society, both turning up morally decadent in the end.

every life is important. everyone has a right to live. but a life born into an environment where it is unable to achieve its full potential could just be the same as killing it. sure there are exceptions, the ludwig van beethovens and the manny villars, but how often does that really happen? i for one am not willing to take that chance.