Saturday, November 1, 2014
Saturday, April 26, 2014
10 Signs that Winnie the Pooh is Gay
1. his eyebrows have been shaved and plucked into shape
2. his t-shirt has been sheared horizontally in the middle (only He-man is allowed to wear a half-shirt and still look manly)
3. he wears a tan
4. he’s a neat freak
5. he loves to cuddle
6. he changed his name from “winifredo” to the more effeminate “winnie”
7. he’s too much of a wuss to cuss. everybody knows pooh means shit
8. he has a voice akin to well-known pedophiles
9. he had his male genitalia surgically removed
10. his BFF is a sissy midget in a pink spandex
2. his t-shirt has been sheared horizontally in the middle (only He-man is allowed to wear a half-shirt and still look manly)
3. he wears a tan
4. he’s a neat freak
5. he loves to cuddle
6. he changed his name from “winifredo” to the more effeminate “winnie”
7. he’s too much of a wuss to cuss. everybody knows pooh means shit
8. he has a voice akin to well-known pedophiles
9. he had his male genitalia surgically removed
10. his BFF is a sissy midget in a pink spandex
Friday, April 18, 2014
10 Pelikulang Pinoy na Tinanggalan ng Isang Letra
Darn - kwento ng babae na lumulunok ng bato para maging superhero. ang problema, sa laki ng bato, napapamura sya tuwing nilulunok nya ito.
Bab I Love You - pelikulang tungkol sa isang binatang na-inlove sa isang baboy. Nang tangkain ng pamilya nyang litsunin ang kanyang pinakamamahal na biik, itinakas nya ito at sila'y namundok.
Panda - noong unang panahon, kung kailan laganap pa ang kadiliman, isang panday na nagngangalang Flavio ang nakakita ng bulalakaw. Sa paniniwalang ito ang magliligtas sa kanila mula sa kadiliman, hinulma nya ito at ginawang balaraw. Ang problema, tuwing humahaba ang balaraw at nagiging espada, sya naman ay nagiging panda.
Bale - una at tanging X-rated film ni Anne Curtis. Tungkol sya sa kung anong nangyari matapos nyang mabali ang 'hotdog' ni Jericho habang sila'y nagniniig.
T.G.S. - kwento ng isang grupo ng kabataang sobrang tigas ng pagmumukha. Sa sobrang tigas, pwede nang gamiting pambasag ng yelo.
Ang pagdadalag ni Maximo Oliveros - nakakita ka na ba ng pelikulang walang ibang ginawa ang bida sa dalawang oras kundi manghuli ng dalag?
Bat, Bat Paano Ka Ginawa - Pinoy version ng Batman Begins
Joe Rizal - ang pelikulang nangahas magtanong ng: Ano kaya kung si Rizal ay naging kano?
Dekada 7 - time travel film kung saan bumalik sa panahon si Tito Vic at Joey at binrainwash nila ang mga sinaunang Pinoy na masanay sa Eat Bulaga.
Marasta - pelikula ni Sharon Cuneta kung saan hindi sya matanggap ng mga anak ng bago nyang asawa dahil kamukha nya si Bob Marley.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Of Machines and Musings: The Music of Lintech
Here's a writeup i made for my friend, Aldelm Ferriols and his musical project, Lintech.
Elmo Blatch. The name instantly sends shivers down the spine of any loyal Stephen King fan. Although he only appears briefly in The Shawshank Redemption (he's called Elwood Blatch in the book), his role in the story is pivotal. He is, after all, the real killer of the wife of Andy Dufresne, the story's main protagonist.
Elmo Blatch is also the title of Lintech's latest track.
But more than a reference to the Stephen King character, for Aldelm Sarthou Ferriols—the man behind Lintech—Elmo Blatch is a state of mind. More specifically, a mental sickness. “Parang pag di-niagnose kang may mental illness, instead of saying you're "schizophrenic" or "psychotic", sasabihin na lang the guy is an "Elmo Blatch”. Another reason for the song is to expound on the possibility of "What would it take for a person to become an Elmo Blatch?" Because si Elmo Blatch mismo is really screwed up as a person that I was attracted to the idea na, ano kaya nangyari sa kanya nung kabataan nya to become that kind of person,” Ferriols relates.
Indeed, the song does traverse a rich and wide sonic terrain that one would be tempted to call it 'schizophrenic'--sparse and mysterious one moment then brash and reckless the next.
A background on Lintech
Aldelm Ferriols—aka Lintech—has been both at the forefront and the background of Manila's goth scene, paving the way as the frontman of seminal goth band Funeral Frost and ring leader of the annual event Eternal Death Wake, which held its 10th anniversary last October 2013. A few lineup changes and conflicting schedules led to the demise of the band and Aldelm eventually striking out on his own.
“I woke up one fucked up morning and said, I'm going to make music today," Ferriols relates on how he decided to start Lintech.
Four of Lintech's tracks were used on the e-book version of Karl de Mesa's horror opus “News of the Shaman”. You can hear these tracks, along with Elmo Blatch and more, on his Bandcamp
page, www.lintech1.bandcamp.com
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Sunday, July 14, 2013
The Blind Auditions
In some MRT stations, you'll find blind persons playing their guitars with a donation box settled in front of them. I used to ignore these people, thinking that we have government agencies for those sorts of things. It wasn't until i passed by them along with my musician friend that i had a change of heart.
This friend of mine was bassist, and whenever he came along these blind people during our hangouts, he always made it a point to put something in the donation boxes. After about three times observing this, I finally asked him about his peculiar habit.
He smirked, obviously amused by my query. Then he matter-of-factly said to me that he regarded the blind beggars as fellow musicians--just like us--only they weren't as fortunate to be earning a good living from their craft like we do. What he said hit me like a ton of bricks.
His words made me realize how lucky I actually am for doing something I love and making decent money out of it. It also made me realize that there are those who are people who are as passionate as me, but life simply wasn't able to deal them better cards. After that moment, I also made it a point to put something in those donation boxes.
Now I picture the possibility of a what if: What if I end up just like them--poor and helpless, with nary but my music to give me something to eat?
I have to admit, I am open to the possibility.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Death Wish 13
Remember the time when you hated someone so much you wished them dead? Personally, there are times when I wished I had a sniper rifle so I could blow people’s heads off one by one. You don’t have to tell me how horribly morbid these thoughts are, I’m pretty sure you have them too, in one way or another (You do, don’t you?). Admit it. You think that lazy good for nothing, drug-addled neighbor of yours is a waste of life. Don’t worry, it’s a common human thought which crosses our minds from time to time. The challenge lies in keeping one’s self from acting out on these impulses.
Ever since grade school, I fancied myself to be Gandalf. There is a quote from The Fellowship of the Ring that best sums up why I manage to NOT purchase that sniper rifle.
Frodo: It’s a pity Bilbo didn’t kill him(Gollum) when he had the chance.
Gandalf: Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned after 30-odd years of being on this earth, it’s that every life is precious and precocious at the same time, myself included. We are flawed beings, after all. Who am I to say that I deserve to live more than others? Who am I to challenge God on the ways of the world? It would be plain arrogance and ignorance for us to assume that we know better, that if we could have our way, the world would be a better place. Every life exists for a reason. Everyone has a role to play. And in the end, only God has the right to mete out what is due.
That said, here’s a list of people i wanna see dead:
That said, here’s a list of people i wanna see dead:
- people who smoke in public vehicles
- arrogant people
- female drivers
- bus drivers
- VJs
- pathological liars
- rich people
- poor people
- lazy people
- actors turned politicos
- over actors
- kris aquino
- ruffa guttierrez and family
- erap estrada and family
- dead people, just so they remain dead
Sunday, May 26, 2013
These Made Me Laugh
As long as it's done in good taste...
God-like editing skillz!
Happens to me all the time
George Orwell's Animal Farm, 2013 version
They sell them in a wide variety of shapes and sizes
Friday, May 3, 2013
A Love Song Story
once there was a little boy named Mr. Big, and he sat by a Christ-mass tree. and he cried buckles of tears. and he wept and wept. and his wailing was heard in all directions by people, places and things.
now, these people, places and things got so bothered by the ruckus this little boy was making. so they all went to him to see if there was anything they could do to keep him from crying.
first to come by was a horny gaye preacher man. not gaye queer, but gaye haha. “brother, brother..” he spoke. “what’s going on?”
the little boy named Mr. Big looked up as he wiped his buckle-sized tears. “i loved a girl but she didn't love me back. when she left, i told her to just take my heart, and she did.” he replied.
“lost your heart, eh? don't worry boy, all you need is a little bit of… sexual healing, heh.” the horny gaye preacherman suggested coyly.
“there’s nothing you can do.” interrupted a four-headed beatle, as it climbed down from the Christ-mass tree. it looked at the child and said, “don't listen to him. all you need is love.”
now each of the beatle’s heads had a name, and they were called, from left to right: John the bespectacled, Paul, George and Green-go. “.. love is all you need.”, the bespectacled one added.
now amongst the crowd there was a girl named Tina. Tina-who-turned-her, as she was oft called, has had her heart broken one too many times. and she got mad when she heard what the beatle had to say. “what’s love got to do with it?!” she inquired declaratively. “who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?”
and everyone else apart from the beatle agreed to what she said, and they all stared at the beatle. and the beatle, in humiliation, broke up. but Egg Yolk O’Oh-no, who was also among the crowd, took pity on John the bespectacled, so she cared for him in the three other beatle’s stead, and the two of them left the crowd to give peace a chance.
“stop, in the name of love!” screamed a group of minstrels, all the while raising their hands with their palms facing the now denser crowd, as if to appease the growing uneasiness. “think it over!” they pleaded, but no one was really listening.
“love hurts” opined Nazareth, who was a slumbering place awoken from her sleep by the child’s woes. “i’ve really learned a lot. REALLY learned a lot”, she added. and everyone believed her because they knew of the man who once born on Nazareth’s bosom and lived and died and changed the world. and everyone started to calm down a little, though just a little.
“i would do anything for love.” murmured an envious meatloaf.
Patti the Blacksmith, hungry from her travels, crept behind the meatloaf, and gobbled him up. “but sometimes, love just ain’t enough.”, she burped. and everyone laughed upon seeing the meatloaf’s demise.
even those of royal blood descended from their palace to see the boy:
“your hurt will heal, little boy.’cause you don’t have a wooden heart.” said the King.
“funny thing for you to say, o king of mine. right after you just killed a man.” said the Queen.
“ah-huh...ah-huh....” said the Princess formerly known as Prince, in his/her usual/unusual high-pitched faggoty voice.
and the crowd gave each of their opium-onions and adder-vices to the boy, and the boy tried to listen. but each time he heard one, he would realize how useless these opium-onions and adder-vices were, so instead he continued to cry. now this infuriated the crowd even more, and they started to argue amongst themselves and their voices started to rise, and tension started to spread. and they failed to see that the boy’s tears have started to engulf them all.
“there’s a hole in his heart that can only be filled by what?!” exclaimed a group of extremists.
“perhaps love.” said John from Denver.
“but where’s the love?” asked the three little Hanson pigs. “just give it up! ’cause it’s gone in an mmmbop!”
“don’t the three of you know?” interrupted a very wet, wet, wet man. “love is all around you. just like Christ-mass is all around you” and everyone made a face and raised their eyebrows at the wet, wet, wet man, for they wondered what made him say that. none of them realizing that it was love, actually.
but before anyone else from the crowd could speak up next, the boy’s tears turned into an enormous tidal wave that drowned them all and killed them all. and the only ones able to survive were the eagles, for they could flap their wings over the rising waters. “love will keep us alive.” they said proudly, as they soared into non-existence.
as the violent waves settled down, the boy’s tears had turned the place around the Christ-mass tree into an oasis, and it had a life of its own. and it saw that there was no one else left to talk some sense into the boy, so it began to speak. “i don’t believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now.” said the oasis, as it saw the boy through those teary eyes.
“maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me, i'm tired of waiting on a line of greens and blues” the little boy named Mr. Big sniffed, as he waited for the oasis to answer.
“by now, you should have realized what you got to do.” nodded the oasis borne of the little boy’s tears. “after all, you’re my waterfall.”
once the boy heard this pun and realized the oasis' wit, he began to smile and laugh, and his tears began to stop.
and the boy and the oasis became the best of friends and talked about love ’till the end of time under the Christ-mass tree. they're there still.
now, these people, places and things got so bothered by the ruckus this little boy was making. so they all went to him to see if there was anything they could do to keep him from crying.
first to come by was a horny gaye preacher man. not gaye queer, but gaye haha. “brother, brother..” he spoke. “what’s going on?”
the little boy named Mr. Big looked up as he wiped his buckle-sized tears. “i loved a girl but she didn't love me back. when she left, i told her to just take my heart, and she did.” he replied.
“lost your heart, eh? don't worry boy, all you need is a little bit of… sexual healing, heh.” the horny gaye preacherman suggested coyly.
“there’s nothing you can do.” interrupted a four-headed beatle, as it climbed down from the Christ-mass tree. it looked at the child and said, “don't listen to him. all you need is love.”
now each of the beatle’s heads had a name, and they were called, from left to right: John the bespectacled, Paul, George and Green-go. “.. love is all you need.”, the bespectacled one added.
now amongst the crowd there was a girl named Tina. Tina-who-turned-her, as she was oft called, has had her heart broken one too many times. and she got mad when she heard what the beatle had to say. “what’s love got to do with it?!” she inquired declaratively. “who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?”
and everyone else apart from the beatle agreed to what she said, and they all stared at the beatle. and the beatle, in humiliation, broke up. but Egg Yolk O’Oh-no, who was also among the crowd, took pity on John the bespectacled, so she cared for him in the three other beatle’s stead, and the two of them left the crowd to give peace a chance.
“stop, in the name of love!” screamed a group of minstrels, all the while raising their hands with their palms facing the now denser crowd, as if to appease the growing uneasiness. “think it over!” they pleaded, but no one was really listening.
“love hurts” opined Nazareth, who was a slumbering place awoken from her sleep by the child’s woes. “i’ve really learned a lot. REALLY learned a lot”, she added. and everyone believed her because they knew of the man who once born on Nazareth’s bosom and lived and died and changed the world. and everyone started to calm down a little, though just a little.
“i would do anything for love.” murmured an envious meatloaf.
Patti the Blacksmith, hungry from her travels, crept behind the meatloaf, and gobbled him up. “but sometimes, love just ain’t enough.”, she burped. and everyone laughed upon seeing the meatloaf’s demise.
even those of royal blood descended from their palace to see the boy:
“your hurt will heal, little boy.’cause you don’t have a wooden heart.” said the King.
“funny thing for you to say, o king of mine. right after you just killed a man.” said the Queen.
“ah-huh...ah-huh....” said the Princess formerly known as Prince, in his/her usual/unusual high-pitched faggoty voice.
and the crowd gave each of their opium-onions and adder-vices to the boy, and the boy tried to listen. but each time he heard one, he would realize how useless these opium-onions and adder-vices were, so instead he continued to cry. now this infuriated the crowd even more, and they started to argue amongst themselves and their voices started to rise, and tension started to spread. and they failed to see that the boy’s tears have started to engulf them all.
“there’s a hole in his heart that can only be filled by what?!” exclaimed a group of extremists.
“perhaps love.” said John from Denver.
“but where’s the love?” asked the three little Hanson pigs. “just give it up! ’cause it’s gone in an mmmbop!”
“don’t the three of you know?” interrupted a very wet, wet, wet man. “love is all around you. just like Christ-mass is all around you” and everyone made a face and raised their eyebrows at the wet, wet, wet man, for they wondered what made him say that. none of them realizing that it was love, actually.
but before anyone else from the crowd could speak up next, the boy’s tears turned into an enormous tidal wave that drowned them all and killed them all. and the only ones able to survive were the eagles, for they could flap their wings over the rising waters. “love will keep us alive.” they said proudly, as they soared into non-existence.
as the violent waves settled down, the boy’s tears had turned the place around the Christ-mass tree into an oasis, and it had a life of its own. and it saw that there was no one else left to talk some sense into the boy, so it began to speak. “i don’t believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now.” said the oasis, as it saw the boy through those teary eyes.
“maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me, i'm tired of waiting on a line of greens and blues” the little boy named Mr. Big sniffed, as he waited for the oasis to answer.
“by now, you should have realized what you got to do.” nodded the oasis borne of the little boy’s tears. “after all, you’re my waterfall.”
once the boy heard this pun and realized the oasis' wit, he began to smile and laugh, and his tears began to stop.
and the boy and the oasis became the best of friends and talked about love ’till the end of time under the Christ-mass tree. they're there still.
Songs and Emotions
my parents could already tell that i had an inkling to be a musician since i was three. back then, i had this book of nursery rhymes that i could sing by heart, from one book end to another. well, my listening palette has increased considerably since then, and music has become the catalyst for many turning points and decision-making in my life. here are the songs that mean a great deal to me. maybe you could take the time to check each of them out and listen to them at your own time, perhaps they may do you good as well.
1. de do do do (the police)/ wait (the beatles)/ matthew (john denver) - the songs i listened to the most when i was around 4-7 years old. the melodies were what first pulled me in, because back then i still couldn’t understand what the songs were about (not that i do now). many thanks to my father for making me listen to them, also for whipping me silly when i ruined the stereo from excessively rewinding and playing the tapes.
2. sleepyhouse (blind melon) - the most sublime vocal melodies i have ever listened to, especially when shannon hoon declares, “the mistakes that i made, they don’t seem to bother me, and i sure as hell don’t feel like i missed any kind of train.” no worries, no remorse. truly, complacency at times can be a virtue.
3. mayonnaise (smashing pumpkins) - who doesn’t love this song? probably those who don't have ears. probably.
4. airbag (radiohead) - whenever i hear the cello and guitar intro i feel the urge close my eyes and conduct an unseen orchestra. everything in this song screams genius. from the loop-like drumbeats to the sparse basslines to thom yorke’s drunken lyricism. the song talks about transcending your mortality and material possessions, at least that's what methinks.
5. little wing (jimi hendrix) - the song that made me rethink my guitar playing. when i first heard this, i could almost hear jimi saying, “listen up and get schooled, boy!” i bought my fender strat before i heard this song, which isn't the guitar i actually wanted (FYI, it was washburn n2). in retrospect, i am so glad it’s the guitar that i chose. makes me comfortably numb knowing i’m playing the same type of guitar that jimi did.
6. reptile (nine inch nails) - bad break up? this is the perfect song to listen to. the lyrics confirm what all men will eventually come to know: that women are the sadistic spawns of satan.
7. #41 (dave matthews band) - nothing can compare to the sense of urgency that radiates from this song. coupled with matthews’ syrupy vocals and desperately pleading lyrics, a song i always dream to play live. now if only i can find a band to play with that's just as good…
8. three stars and the sun (francism) - a song that every patriotic filipino should listen to. i come close to tears almost everytime i hear francism’s voice almost cracking and faltering as he screams “don’t tell me that you understand, it’s been 400 years of tears for the brown man!” heck, i’m already in tears as i’m typing this. whoever isn’t moved by this song is one passive prick.
9. toxicity (system of a down) - the last great rock band to walk the earth. hearing the song for the first time, i wanted to start a riot. "disorder!!! disorder!!!" yeah! this song really perked up my curiosity because the music was metal, yet funky. and the lyrics were dead serious, but the singing sounded satirical, almost sarcastic. a real fun band to listen to, pity they broke up.
10. bohemian rhapsody (queen) - the greatest song in the world, ever. ’nuff said.
1. de do do do (the police)/ wait (the beatles)/ matthew (john denver) - the songs i listened to the most when i was around 4-7 years old. the melodies were what first pulled me in, because back then i still couldn’t understand what the songs were about (not that i do now). many thanks to my father for making me listen to them, also for whipping me silly when i ruined the stereo from excessively rewinding and playing the tapes.
2. sleepyhouse (blind melon) - the most sublime vocal melodies i have ever listened to, especially when shannon hoon declares, “the mistakes that i made, they don’t seem to bother me, and i sure as hell don’t feel like i missed any kind of train.” no worries, no remorse. truly, complacency at times can be a virtue.
3. mayonnaise (smashing pumpkins) - who doesn’t love this song? probably those who don't have ears. probably.
4. airbag (radiohead) - whenever i hear the cello and guitar intro i feel the urge close my eyes and conduct an unseen orchestra. everything in this song screams genius. from the loop-like drumbeats to the sparse basslines to thom yorke’s drunken lyricism. the song talks about transcending your mortality and material possessions, at least that's what methinks.
5. little wing (jimi hendrix) - the song that made me rethink my guitar playing. when i first heard this, i could almost hear jimi saying, “listen up and get schooled, boy!” i bought my fender strat before i heard this song, which isn't the guitar i actually wanted (FYI, it was washburn n2). in retrospect, i am so glad it’s the guitar that i chose. makes me comfortably numb knowing i’m playing the same type of guitar that jimi did.
6. reptile (nine inch nails) - bad break up? this is the perfect song to listen to. the lyrics confirm what all men will eventually come to know: that women are the sadistic spawns of satan.
7. #41 (dave matthews band) - nothing can compare to the sense of urgency that radiates from this song. coupled with matthews’ syrupy vocals and desperately pleading lyrics, a song i always dream to play live. now if only i can find a band to play with that's just as good…
8. three stars and the sun (francism) - a song that every patriotic filipino should listen to. i come close to tears almost everytime i hear francism’s voice almost cracking and faltering as he screams “don’t tell me that you understand, it’s been 400 years of tears for the brown man!” heck, i’m already in tears as i’m typing this. whoever isn’t moved by this song is one passive prick.
9. toxicity (system of a down) - the last great rock band to walk the earth. hearing the song for the first time, i wanted to start a riot. "disorder!!! disorder!!!" yeah! this song really perked up my curiosity because the music was metal, yet funky. and the lyrics were dead serious, but the singing sounded satirical, almost sarcastic. a real fun band to listen to, pity they broke up.
10. bohemian rhapsody (queen) - the greatest song in the world, ever. ’nuff said.
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